“If You’re Right, You’ll Agree:” A Few Fashion Tips.

Ok Hipsters its time to have a talk. The whole point and saving grace of being a “hipster” is that you have good taste in alternative art. You are supposed to be naturally drawn to what is a-typical. You are supposed to have an eye for things that may not be obviously appealing to others. You find beauty in unlikely places. This of course should include style and fashion. Now, I am not the fashion police by any means whatsoever. I have made my mistakes, by the dozens. Just ask Nataly, she has an opinion on just about everything I’ve ever worn (although most of the time she is wrong.) However, lately I have noticed that in “the scene,” some of you are making some pretty bad choices and they’re spreading  faster than the swine flu.  Some of the accoutrements that I have seen out and about just look fucking dumb.

Now there are some pieces that others out there may have a problem with. A lot of people bitch about Skinny Jeans. That’s just silly. Skinny Jeans are hot. What looks hotter than jeans that are painted on to your ass? Nothing. Another favorite to complain about among the haters, are high wasted skirts. Please, its adorable, girly and retro. Go for it. I say yes. See, I am not a hater. I’m just trying to stop you from looking like a total idiot.

If you really know what you are doing and feel you can pull of the feathers-in-hair thing, keep them to a minimum, one or two at the most. Also it would be preferable if the feathers you chose were actually pleasant looking and not like they came from a crow with Avian Flu.

Now a case where less isn’t more: Mens shirts as dresses. If you do this right, it’s a go. However, a lot of you out there apparently don’t own mirrors because, you are wearing shirts so short that, I can see your bloomers. I know that a lot of you think the shorter the dress the sexier, right? But can’t you see, if your wearing a shirt that is not covering your ass, then you simply look like you forgot your pants. Do you really want to be walking around in a shirt and shoes? This looks like your drunk or stupid.

Last but definitely not least, why are you guys trying to kill flannel?  Flannel has had its place in alternative culture for decades. From hippies to grungies, flannel is part of our roots, it’s deep with history. Now every time I go to Kung Fu or Johnny Brenda’s it looks like Paul Bunyan threw-up in there. Perhaps we could have like a raffle system to determine who can wear flannel on what day? Maybe it’s too late for flannel. Maybe we just can’t wear it for a while. Should we do it cold-turkey? I don’t know, I am open to suggestions. For now I know I can’t go near the stuff without feeling like I’m putting on a uniform.

That’s all I got for now. Ok that’s not true, there is more. But I will stop here to make sure that you really let these suggestions sink in. Think about our reputation. Popular culture hates us. I’m cool with that, because mostly it’s just envy. Who doesn’t like being envied. But lets not give them fuel for the fire. Going out with a birds nest on our heads is never gonna work in our favor.