Philly Fanatics

I have been referred to as an obsessed fan on several occasions.  I take that with pride and valor.  I get that you can love a band’s music so much that you feel moved, inspired or even transformed.  But I have never been compelled to grope, confess my undying love, or steal from a band I like.  Those of you who know me really really well might be saying to yourselves: what about that time you told Fiona Apple you loved her?  Well, screw you because I do!  On with my point.

I just never understood fanaticism that involved crying over Elvis or fainting over the The Beatles.  What good does that do?  You’re blinded by your tears and you miss it all if you pass out.  You paid good money to see The King. Why faint and see the insides of your eyelids instead?  Does the music move you so much that your organs, circulatory system and lungs give up? PUH-LEASE.

Jump to modern day.  Still no point in crying over bands you like.  What’s worse is the “I LOVE YOU, fill in the blank”.  No, you don’t.  You don’t know them and they don’t love you back.  At least not in the same way.  You never know.  They could be republican, racist or bite their toenails, all unloveable traits.

Gets worse: How about the grabbing and touching?  That is borderline molestation last time I checked.  I think it’s safe to say the band members do not enjoy the reaching for their privates unless it’s by a wife, girlfriend or mistress.  What do you think will happen if you cop-a-feel?  Their talent will be magically transfered to you? Or maybe you think they will feel your touch and thus forth, only have eyes for you?  Not likely.

So maybe you think well, touching their nuts didn’t do it so perhaps I’ll just get myself a little keepsake.  That’s right I’ve seen it with my own eyes!  Fans stealing from the very bands they love so dearly.  Picks, drumsticks, instruments taken.  Will these things complete your shrine?

Musicians are people just like me and you.  Granted they are talented, and that makes them sexy but people just the same.  Every musician wants fans that are enthusiastic, supportive and eager.  However, I think it best to just enjoy the music, the sexy musicians, and a respectful crowd.  Be moved, inspired or transformed but please keep the tears, fainting, molestation and larceny to a bare minimum.